This one doesnt have a title

I read somewhere that you never really grow up, you just learn how to behave in public. If that's the case,I think I missed a few crucial lessons. And technology makes us its puppets. If these two sentences seem unrelated to you, maybe you have trouble understanding me. I'm not saying you should. But if you can make out a clear connection, welcome abroad!!

The whole society is just biased. I was at this Hot Bread's shop with a friend of mine. And I stuck my sandwich in the cash counter because I needed free hands to fish out my wallet from my sack of a bag. While in process, my friend nudged me in the ribs, and I looked up. The guy at the cash counter wouldn't look at me. There he was all shaking and laughing at his feet.I thought maybe because no one has stuffed sandwich on his counter before. How lame! This guy's has a humor sense of freshly laid cow-dung.
And I paid and left the shop, irritated.

My friend: Why did you do THAT??
Me: Do WHAT?
Fri: You dunno, what you did?? (a smug smile forming on her pretty face)
Me: No?? (anticipating the worst)
Fri: You were singing... no Wailing (an afterthought)
Me: Damn. Which one this time?
Fri: RELEEEEEEEEASE ME... RE-leeeease mah bod-eeee
Me: ****!!

Well it wasn't that bad. Last time I went "Maaaaryy me..Say you wiiiiill" in a public bus. But c'mon...when people start singing in movies,they get all positive feedback and claps, even. And some guy with an instrument comes out of nowhere and plays the rest of the song. Well, I don't live in a fantasy world where my life instances are picture perfect. But movies are supposed to be extracted from "daily life". I may not be the twilight material, but 'm left to think that 'm in the making of horror story script.
Hypocrites!!

When love gets cryptic

Last week I was invited to this lunch at our family friend's place. I rang up my friend and told her we are going out and she's in for a surprise. The surprise turned out to be a 2 hour journey to a foggy land. She vowed never to attend my phone calls on weekends again. And I was complimenting the aunty* how nice her biriyani(a meal that makes you forget what hunger is for a long time)was. Turned out it was neychor(its evil cousin bearing resemblance). Well, who would have known? But everyone did. So much for intro, moving on..

As we were having that fateful lunch with the fan singing rhythmically in the background, uncle* came in. The songs of the fan rudely were interrupted by an antique scooter's long suffering coughs. And what surprised us the most was her response, "Here comes another uninvited person barging into the house".
This warm words were welcomed by a collective enlarged eye-exchange between us. Well,I understand the previous visitor to be their son.
Her declaration was accompanied with a perfect mismatch of host smile. She didn't hate him, no. My best guess is that she just didn't liked to be interrupted.

This got me thinking... Its funny how people show their love for their spouse. In the humble geographical area where I was born, wives usually don't address their husbands by name. Out of respect.

Here are some interesting nomenclatures assigned to married men by their clever wives who has to find apt substitute with their intended meanings.

Pulli (PULL-ee)
Now this word is a homonym and has an alternate meaning "spots". And I remember, once my mom tried calling dad through the intercom. She got through an operator who knew us, so she went straight to the point, asking, "Is pulli still there?" And what she missed was this guy just came back to work after a severe case of chikenpox.

Ithiyan (E-thi-yAAn)
Literally, "ith" refers to thing in my language. So what could Ithiyan be, THE THING??

____'s father.
And your child's name goes there.
You tell them, "Hey thats a nice watch" and they reply it with, "My son's dad gifted me" with that feminine pride.
This differs locally. It could be just achan (father) oru pillarde achan (same as above)

Manushyan
Literal translation: HUMAN.
I cant say anything more on this, and 'm sorry about it.

-chettan.
Usually comes as a suffix to the name your better half. This one actually shows the highest degree of respect, if you ask me.

Ividoraal
Literal Translation: the guy over here.
Again, words fail here.

And the last one. Well there could be more, for all I know.

Uncle*
*because everyone you meet over 30's and has a mutual friend becomes your uncle. And his counterpart, aunty.

Me: Woow..that's a nice watch. eBay?
XX: Nope (inhales extra air to continue).. this is from uncle who mailed it from US
Me: Okay. Tell him my regards then.
XX: Its recession there
Me: umm..right.

Well, regardless of what the they address, they manage to stick around like chopsticks happily married to their martial life of noodles. Be happily in love, humans!!

I bet you dint know that..

..they sell only male fishes in aquarium. And I should have known. I wasted my after school hours staring at the fish bowl looking for signs of eggs. I thought that's what they normally do, move around the bowl and then make babies, then all the babies move around and make even more babies - a whole new ecosystem in my bowl. I held myself from changing the water thinking they might've accidentally excreted on their eggs, fishes could go blind when they're happily in love. Don't they?
Only they didn't. Considering they were both males. They dint make baby fins, instead they starved themselves to death. Maybe they got depressed.

Bottom-line -I signed up for an animal rights a few minutes ago.

As a matter of fact, there are a lot of real stuffs we never knew. Who knew we could get rid of warts with nail polish? No kidding! And I've got more but they "might" seem pretty wild. For the same reason 'm not gonna tell how you could use cat litter for a facial that brings out your complexion. Good day, to you.

Its a mad world...!!

Things aren't as always as they appear to be. I'll give a classic example. I have this milkmaid who brings milk in Pepsi and coke bottles. On further observation, I noticed that some of the bottles had seen better days in early 90's. So I started switching old bottles with new ones and when I'm too lazy( read it as mostly), 'll just add my new bottle to its wasted great-grandad. I was feeling rather good about myself about- getting rid of plastic (wrt the old extensively hyped "re-use, reduce"...well, that's an other story) and improving her inventory with factory-fresh bottles.

And what went wrong?

Bottles back stabbed me! She wrote bills counting bottles she collects. I cant blame her for that either, she possibly has to deliver milk to lot of houses. Sigh!

And its not just the world. Its inhabitants too. Like a whole package. I know this guy who used to write song(s) to impress girls who could be his potential girlfriends. It wasn't that hard. If her name is Emily, his song would be-

Her name is Emily-
She smells like lily
You think she's silly
But she's damn wily.
That's the base of his song. Now if its Tina, she smells like petunia. I cant wait till he meets a girl who's suffix rhymes with rafflesia. Ha! I dedicate this small verse to the poet.

My name is idiot
I screwed up trying to be Eliot

And I have this friend of mine who signed up for 3 months course in a gym. Everything went fine until one day, one of the weights he was trying lift decided to take a break and rest on his neck. Okay, that hurts. I can tell. Now my friend? He found calling his gym instructor too embarrassing and he just sat there, with a dumbbell on his neck. It would have been something like this, except it wasn't of a grasshopper. And my Photoshop skills aren't that great either. So, there.

And I this is yet another friend who had a train to catch at 2am. And he thought it would be nice to take a midnight shower in ice-cold water. He got sick, I dunno how sick but its pretty bad. He plays hide and seek with the nurse when she tries to give him shots. And he says, his blood got infected too. His blood group? "B"e positive! Insanity is, indeed an important factor that brings people closer. That could be probably why these people (except our unlucky Eliot) are my best friends. And yes, the world IS mad if there are people out there who is actually reading this!

When mothers master mobiles

It amazes me how smart our mothers could be, given a chance. I remember teaching her to text messages using a dictionary on her mobile, few months ago. She wasn’t much interested in learning, which made me wonder if I could blame my marks stating this trait of heredity.
Life has its moments of reality check. I was a volunteer for a theatre fest conducted in the city. And my mom came over to watch one of the shows to see how ‘m doing. That day I was assigned to make sure the guests were seated right. It so happens that two of my teachers were there among the seated audience. So naturally, I put on my happy-to-help face and walked around in what I believed to be a poised manner. That’s when my phone vibrated from the depths of my denims.
It was a message from my mom. It just said, “Come”. I looked around, spotted her waving at me. I wanted to tell her that I can’t text people, or use phone unless it is an absolute emergency. Instead I typed “Can’t” and gave her a shrug.
“I forgot to give u sweets” came the instant reply. Sweets? ‘I will never be bribed by sweets!’ I thought.
I wanted to tell her that snacks aren’t allowed in, and I can’t be seen with such confiscatable items. In the end, I typed a quick reply “Okay, ‘l come”. And I did. She knows how to get me! After handing over the pack, she had this I-knew-you’d-come-after-sweets smile on her every time I looked at her.
I changed my location to the centre of the hall where I thought I would be less threatened. Her next message just had three magic words- “Comb ur hair”. I froze. My partner saw me frowning at my phone and came over. “Sup?” he asked simultaneously glancing at the text I just received. I didn’t have much to tell, as it was self-explanatory.
“Cant!” I replied, pouting.
“Y cant u do it outside and come?”
“Amma, you’re distracting me”
The next moment, lights went off announcing the show. After the drama, on way home she asked innocently, “Liked the sweets?” and gave her best smile. A smile that was held back for long, crept to my lips. I smiled back :)
Even though I didn’t show, I loved her for all those texts. The kind of proud feeling a teacher gets when his/her student excels in their art. What would we be without moms?

I am a goldfish!

No, I dont have shiny scaly skin. And my memory have been proved to last more than 3 seconds! Thank you very much! Thanks to that Aussie school kid who stood up for me, no one insults my flat brain anymore. And wiki says my memory had a back up upto 3months :)
But what I meant is my ability to get lost in a familiar territory and not know it.
Knowing me, my best friend gifted me with a map giving directions how I could find my way. Now it lies in my cupboard making friends with spideys and lizzies and other crawling jee-vees(insects).

I could go on comparing myself to other minda-pranees (roughly translates to 'insects that doesnt talk') but today 'm feeling like a hen-eating hypocrite. Yeah, that's right. I used to fight for hen-rights. Right to live in bigger cages, right to live without being in human's food chain, right to prevention against injections that'l result in chicken obesity, accrediting for being the old alarm clock that never goes snooze.. n maybe the right to color feathers. (um..no strike that one!)
So, as I was sayng.. I was campaigning my friend who's standing for college election. I made this campaigning in fb-


For non-native speakers of mallu, kuruvi is a bird. N we cal her that. Campaign was success! People call her kuruvi now though they missed the election part!

Back to chicken, I said I'd write her election speech for a chicken bucket at KFC. Well, maybe 'l be damned in hell with a room full of angry chikens with really pointed beaks! *Gulp*

Some things you should know..(Part - I)

Sometime back, I was sitting on the couch staring at the movement happening inside the idiot box. That's when mom came in. She automatically went for the remote and switched from my unknown-but-kinda-cute-stranger-guy's face to never-ending drama where the lead female has major leak issues of her lacrimal gland. Sigh! Mom rules. I sat there sulking and thinking at the same time. If population are made of societies, and societies, in turn comprises of families..then the "remote-possession" is what we should be worried of, not nuclear arms! You have no idea of the stuff that you can actually think inside your head when you have nothing else to do!

Contrary to popular belief, I can say, the letter E is NOT the most common letter even though it comes with a frequency of 12.70% in English words. Skeptical? Try playing Hangman! Yeah, I know how it sounds.
The other day I was playing hangman with friend of mine who gives me the director's names as hints. (Wasnt much helpful to me, anyway). I was confident with my powerful ally- E! No? Really? I said E! *NO* (Weird..! What kinda word doesn't have an E?!)
Okay..A.E.I.O.U? NOOOO!



And this one sounds unrelated. But there's no stopping of my neurons once they're triggered by boredom. Laxative may not be the best way to clear your stomach.
Obvious question: Why would I want to clear it? So that you can accommodate more food!
So what's the idea? The answer is you're looking for is starting at you from the road! Hawker's own deli. You can eat quantities that was considered humanly impossible! And no apparent change in size vertically. Works for me, anyway. I must be knowing the hawker guy down the street on a first name basis if he spoke any language I could understand. I could've told him how much his snacks mean to me! :D

A random song for my best frnd who got locked up! :P

THE MISSING PIECE OF THE PUZZLE

I look upon empty space beside
Which held my source of smile
The shadow vanished had made a mark
Shifting my eyes, arduous task

The silver strain you loved to watch
is wasted away - without witness
My eyes followed the door to catch -
a sight of baby pink in flash

The clumsy me, the naughty you
Twins we were, if it was true
The charming princess turned prisoner
to happiness that'll find u sooner!!

The simple, bold n loud fill the blank
I nod my head and do the prank
and when I hold out my hands,
I get the subtle warmth!

How I lost my fav water bottle :(

This post is in fond memory of my fav water bottle I own(ed) till yest! It was an elegant bottle of strawberry crush, with a liquid holding capacity of 700ml, dressed in plastic red robe topped with a lovely green cap.
There I was doing in my trapeze act(only way to survive in buses here)in bus on way home when suddenly bus came to a halt. All the seated aunties went on a wild marathon, some of them stamping on my feet for a good measure, if I must add. And finally I managed to get a seat. I sat down hugging my bag. My hands detected the absence of my slender friend and I started looking around. A few curious questioning eyes looked back at me. I asked them if they saw a red bottle. "why, it just fell down" came an answer from an elderly lady. I got up, and joined the bird* of the bus and to have a better view. There it was..lying helplessly under the next bus. I looked at him and whispered if he would stop the bus for another minute till I run and get it back. He was looking at me all this time. For more effects, I gave him (what I thought to be) my old disarming smile! He froze. Ouch..!! I forgot about the new addition to my profile. A perfect set of metal braces shining out from my teeth. I guess terminator smile has lost its charm ;)
I climbed down, shaking my head and went back to the bus stop. I was feeling rather heroic standing there waiting for second bus to go so that I can rescue my bottle-in-distress.
I stood there like a spectator watching a match..the bottle missed the front tires over a feet. "Okay.. So far so good, only a bit more..!" I thought to myself. It was then the bus driver decided to have a go with the steering.Oh no no NOOOO..!! The back tires came along smashing my bottle right in front of my eyes!:( I did win the war.. but I lost the battle, or in this case, the Bottle!

*conductor's assistant who usually enjoys talking to female passengers

The next days..

Alright.. I'm not taking leave anymore after Google told me absenteeism "can" be a psychological problem that can be calculated with something called The Brandford Factor.. along with some mathematical crap..Whoa!! Google does seem to have an explanation for everything!

The next two days, we had a workshop on 'Theater arts and behavioral therapy'. The T.A part was came out to be good.. I'm not talking about the latter. ;) We were asked to wear loose fitting clothes instead of our favourite comfy tees. To make things even creepier, there was a hovering rumor about the instructor coming straightaway from some forest. Honestly, we were kinda confused. The prog started off with a formal speech (the usual) and I was made to sit in the front row, along with the teachers. I got 'em back for that by messing with one of the instructors handy-cam (Unintentionally, honestly!). Now it kept rolling and capturing the antique red curtains behind the stage for another half an hour before someone noticed. And thankfully, my I-dunno-what's-going-on look seemed to work!

Workshop was fun. Every bit! Contrary to our beliefs(uh, maybe just mine), we didn't have anything to do with life in forests. The ice breaking session, much to general surprise, turned out to be Craaawling on floor..!! But, this was the best ice breaker I've ever had! (Hmm..made a mental note to try this again in near future).

The next day was to boost our face-the-stage confidence.Aha! A challenge! Setting: Colonial period. I was a British soldier(er.. maybe slightly over-tanned Englishman). We were doing stills in snapshots. It all went well for the first four shots. I died gracefully on shot4, dropping dead. Scene 5: I got up again, ready to shoot! Oops.. I forgot I was dead! Okay, I ended up as a giggling corpse!

To conclude, the instructor recorded it all in the newly-fixed handy cam and we all have our fingers crossed to have another look at our disastrous deeds!

Confessions of an AWOL college gal :|

Okay.. with the rains humming in the background, today seemed like a nice day to stay indoors. And that's what I did!! But living with a doctor in the house, and who happens to be your skeptical mom, things can be difficult. For every of my imaginary ailment, she has a medicine ready! (My bad!) Anyway I fiddles around the clock on making "being late" as my newest excuse.

Why wouldn't I go today? (Obvious question)

> for some reason, all my clothes are hiding in the laundry (primary reason)

> the bed looked too welcoming! (It'l be totally unfair if I desert it)

> I "might" have to do a seminar that I haven;t prepared (probability 98.5%)

> 'm composing my latest anti-love song (for some reason, I can never write on Sundays)

> My toenail is itching.. maybe its telling me to stay indoors;)

Apparently my mom wasn't convinced even with these 'genuine' reasons. She left me a loong list of chores she which I could do while sitting at home. Darn.. I should have gone to college. Could have nicked Affi's tiffin box (my best friend who has the best, and widest collection of food for lunch) or pass a couple of love notes in class.. or draw a few caricatures of us to upload in facebook!