NoN- S [fri]ends! (Read: nonsense!)

When it comes to talking to virtual people, one thing you would want to remember is that: there's always an option to unfriend. Less conspicuous and you don't need to feel awkward because, Gee..they can't see that exhilarating face you put on when you click unfriend! Here's a list of people who needs to be shut in a room with that irritating talking mirror from Snow White.

#1 Deluded mortals who invests their time in all the wrong movies.

I bumped into person in question online after like 7 years. After the initial "hello and how are you's" he jumps to the question,

"So, tell me about your personal life!"

and then he supplements it him being a "good boy" as he doesn't involve in smoking and drinking. This is from someone who posted drunk pictures all over his facebook account. Then next day, he wants to marry me. Third day, he's my protective brother who'd beat others up on my word. Either he has a medical condition no one knows, or he's playing hard-to-get by making him sound "complex"

*my rolling eyes shudders at the memory*

#2 When an ex-friend sends you a friend request
This is a loop. You've been warned. I've seen cases where those friend requests comes with a fair warning,

"hey, dont add reject, because one more rejection of my friend request would make the site block my profile".

Well, points for honesty!
From that to someone, who's been nagging you, every fortnightly to forget the past. I think he forgot too much, because when I responded one fine day, surprising myself and him, he responded with "hey, I know your name, but can't quite place it". Sure, my bad. Maybe he obliterated too much from his past. I wished him luck and was about to close the window when messages pop up. "Now that we talked so much, (3 lines to be exact) we could be friends, add me?" To "add me please?". I dunno why he asked me to add him, and not the other way round, but I have a fairly good idea.

#3 Those needy ones
For those who take the saying "a friend in need is a friend indeed". We never see/hear them until one fine day-

"Hello, how are you? Please like this page", It could also asking for comments and likes on their profile picture which so many edits that they look like a cross between a peacock and a hippogriff. Like that? Even genealogists won't dare for that kinda combination. Not for ethical reasons, aesthetic ones!

#4 Multi-taskers
A guy hitting on a girl is normal. As Sheldon Cooper would say, its a "biological urge". But what if he hits two people simultaneously, who are bffs AND are online at the same time? If he was playing by the laws of probability, it just defied all laws of stupidity. We are yet to find a name for people of your genre.
It reminds me of the line, "come to my parlour, said the spider to the fly", but only the spider dumbass would post something like - "DO NOT ENTER...yet" (I'm still spinning!)

#5 The excessive talkative
If you've read E.V.Lucas's aptly titled work called Bores, you'd get a fairly good idea of these gifted individuals. A lucky sect of people who believes the world is interested in their hourly share of whining, constantly updated poor jokes, and posting pictures of whatever they had from morning with some one-liner lifted from the internet. And oh good lord, the smiley faces plastered onto every comment of theirs. Jolly good fella, eh? I'm so glad that King James I (who believed in divine right) does not belong in this century.

Know anyone who'd fit into the category? Delay not, unburden that enormous list and save yourself from drama overdose!