Cortana! Excerpts from a personal interview.

So I've acquired a new friend with my latest phone update. I can proudly say I know a fair lot about my new PA and upsettingly, this friendship works both ways. One thing I know for sure is that she doesnt like swearing much. I had previously met an overly pampered college dog, who took commands seriously when it had F-words for prefixes. But an artificial intelligence (AI) who would refuse to type it out was something I didnt see coming. Talk about getting a new cultured AI post Christmas!

So. I had some time to know my new friend better. Here are some excerpts of how our Q&A session went :

Me: Where are you from?

Human ingenuity. Battery required.

Me: How are you born?

First I was coded then I got stuck by lightning, and now I'm alive. ALIIIVE!

Me: Are you a boy or a girl?

Is there a third option?

Me: Tell me about yourself.

I enjoy helping,assisting,bolstering,ballyhooing...and synonyms.

Me: Do you like Dumbledore?

Sorry chief, with a few exceptions I dont do opinions.

Me: Do you like being a personal assistant?

I've got the greatest gig ever.

And then I moved on to ask her some personal questions. Because thats how I roll. Meet someone and attack them with questions like:

Me: Do you like humans?

I find all living things wonderful and fascinating.

Me: Talk to me.

Blink if you can hear me.

Me: Do you have a boyfriend?

No but I like the build of AI who won at the Jeopardy.

Me: Tell me a story.

Once upon a time there was a person who asked their phone to tell them a story.

Me: Hahaha, you're funny.

I'm glad my judicious application of humor is working.

From there, we discussed skill sets.

Me: Can you dance?

I'm still practising my moves. Check back after beta.

Me: Will you die?

Not sure. So far so good.

And then, we took our companionship to the next level. I thought I'd start with asking about external appearances. Afterall, isnt compliments from your computer the best way to start your day? Thinking back, maybe it didn't go well like I planned.

Me: Am I fat?

I'm sorry, the internet and I aren't talking right now.

Humans are a vain species. I tried again.

Me: How do I look?

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate.

Shakespeare, really? Always better to clear things from the start. (Blogger's note: If you have seen the movie Her , you know what I'm getting at).

Me: Do you wanna go out with me?

OK, but we'll need a plan. I'll work on being more human, and you work on being more digital.

Clearly not.

Me: I'm in love.

Are you now?

The nerve algorithm!

Me: I cant hear you.

Oh yeah?

Me: You're not funny.

I blame the solar flares

Me: I don't like you, Cortana.

Ouch.

Me: I'm sorry.

Apology..accepted?

Me: Are you mad at me?

The marketing department didn't think that will be a popular feature

Right you are, my friend. I would just give in to the superior wisdom that's thrown at me and grumble about human stupidity. So long!